Application for permission to date my daughter. HILARIOUS!!!

Application for Permission to Date My Daughter

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APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless
accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage,
and current medical report from your doctor.

NAME_____________________________________  DATE OF BIRTH___________

HEIGHT___________  WEIGHT____________  IQ__________  GPA___________

SOCIAL SECURITY #_________________  DRIVERS LICENSE #______________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES__________________________________________

HOME ADDRESS_______________________  CITY/STATE_________  ZIP______

Do you have parents?               ___Yes  ___No
Is one male and the other female?  ___Yes  ___No
If No, explain:
       ____________________________________________________________

Number of years they have been married ____________________________

If less than your age, explain
     ______________________________________________________________

  ACCESSORIES SECTION:

A. Do you own or have access to a van?              __Yes  __No

B. A truck with oversized tires?                    __Yes  __No

C. A waterbed?                                      __Yes  __No

D. A pickup with a mattress in the back?            __Yes  __No

E. A tattoo?                                        __Yes  __No

F. Do you have an earring, nose ring,               __Yes  __No
   pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring? 

(IF YOU ANSWERED "YES" TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION
AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY.  I SUGGEST RUNNING.)


ESSAY SECTION: 

In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?

In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?

In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you?

REFERENCES SECTION:

Church you attend _________________________________________________

How often you attend ______________________________________________

When would be the best time to interview your:

       father? _____________

       mother? _____________

       pastor? _____________


SHORT-ANSWER SECTION: 

Answer by filling in the blank.  Please answer freely, all answers
are confidential.

A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:

     ______________________________________________________________

B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:

     ______________________________________________________________

C: A woman's place is in the:

     ______________________________________________________________

D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:
     ______________________________________________________________

E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? _________________________

F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:
       ____________________________________________________________

F. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? ________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO
THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT,
NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE
WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.


_______________________________________________________
Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)


_______________________________    ________________________________
Mother's Signature                 Father's Signature

_______________________________    ________________________________
Pastor/Priest/Rabbi                State Representative/Congressman

Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and
non-sexual. Please allow four to six years for processing.

Author unknown. One person says that this "was written by John Sherbondy of Council Bluffs, Iowa. It appeared in his wifes column in the Nonpareil Newspaper called Kippies Corner." (abt. 1993) I've tried to contact Mr. Sherbondy to confirm but haven't succeeded yet.